January 2012
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The REAL 2012
So far in 2012 I have been to work once. For thirty minutes. I have showered once. For 15 minutes. I have consumed an entire bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. For 45 minutes.
So far 2012 has been my favorite year.
December 2011
8 posts
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Lunchtime
Today I got out of work five hours early. You know what that means? Margaritas for lunch.
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2012
Dear 2011,
You weren’t horrible. In fact, you got a lot better as the year went on. However, in 2012 may we see more positive changes? We saw a lot of death in you. Maybe in 2012 we can give Japan a break? Give all Americans equal rights? Let me get the job I really want? Oh, and maybe give the bipartisan system a rest. Thanks.
With Love,
Hannah
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Hold on a sec...
When I look at my mattress I think: ‘ew, look at all of those period stains!’
And then, I realize they’re just mostly salsa stains. And then I get real sad.
November 2011
9 posts
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Facebook Firsts
I’m in the same house as my parents currently.
Setting the scene:
My mother: downstairs.
Myself: upstairs.
MY MOTHER APOLOGIZED TO ME USING FACEBOOK CHAT.
technology.
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Things I've Done in Ohio so Far...
1) Gotten drunk and smoked inside at a dive bar.
2) Went to the WalMart.
3) Taco Bell drive thru (twice)
4) Took some dogs on some walks.
5) Purchased a few items at the Hobby Lobby.
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You Know Who Sucks?
Jason Long.
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New Favorite Activity
Commenting on fbook photos of newborn babies:
“Who the bby daddy?”
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Real Talk: Drugs
The number one way to get your kids to stop using drugs: make them use drug of choice in excess.
The number one way to stop your parents from using drugs: take a whole bunch of their drug of choice and use it in excess infront of them.
(This seems to be the go to on a lot of after-school specials)
Remember: it’s all about excess.
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October 2011
15 posts
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Internet Famous
Steps to becoming a Youtube sensation:
1) Buy ipad.
2) Adopt (or find) a cat.
3) Download an application that will intrigue your stupid cat. (interactive wildlife wallpaper, the popular game Snake, Angry Birds, etc.)
4) Turn on your ipad and film.
5) Post on Youtube and make sure to tag it with: ADORABLE KITTY DOES WONKY THINGS WITH IPAD.
6) Success.
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September 2011
4 posts
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
OKAY.
So, it’s not your birthday any more. I just wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday.
DEAR ASSHAT:
You’re twenty-nine. I hope all is well and that you finished grad school and that you’re divine and shit. Also, ROGAINE for men doesn’t work but it’s worth a try.
Love,
TRYING HARD NOT TO BE MEAN
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August 2011
1 post
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July 2011
3 posts
Accidental compliment
So. There is this girl at work. I don’t dislike her. But, I don’t really like her either. She wears very little clothing that I don’t really care for. Today she walked by while I was admiring something else. I uttered the word: cute. She walked by and thought I gave her some praise for her short dress. Truth is: I gave her an accidental compliment. Has this happened to me? Has...
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June 2011
5 posts
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Summer Check List
1) Pee in Lake Michigan (check)
2) Go on a boat (check)
3) See free music in parks
4) Get crunk (check)
5) Get gay at the pride parade (check)
So far so good.
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Wait a minute...
So pets now have Facebook. I think that’s really dumb/sad. But now! Unborn children? I know a girl that has created a Facebook page for her UNBORN son. His middle name is ‘Unborn’ on his page. This kid will never know a life without Facebook.
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May 2011
1 post
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April 2011
14 posts
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